So the newsflash is out…I turned 40 last Saturday! Loads of crappy happy well wishes, cards, and presents have flown in my direction for the last week. Not that I’m not grateful, but the big 4-0 is a little hard to stomach for any woman, probably any guy for that matter, but I can’t help but think females are a tad more sensitive to the subject. Maybe, maybe not. I think I was probably about as thrilled as anyone when you hit that next big milestone. I couldn’t help but feel a bit down and defeated. I thought I would be so much further in life…married, kids, and great house. You know, living happily ever after with that picket fence and all. But instead I’m divorced, no kids, house was sold years ago and replaced by years of endless medical bills from Lyme Disease, the aftermath of gluten sensitivity, and breast cancer. So what’s there to be excited about? I asked myself that several times over the last few weeks.
It’s not to be debated, but the most monumental conclusion I came to was….I’m freakin still alive!! Ha! :) Last year could have turned out quite differently for me. I mean seriously, cancer??? There are many others out there that aren’t as fortunate. One of my toughest lessons this last year was I was introduced to what is called ‘survivor’s remorse’. The sense emotional pain that you survived or got off much easier than someone else who either lost their battle or are fighting for their lives. I had heard about it, but never could have imaged I would be reduced to tears on more than one occasion because I just felt so guilty. It’s by far one of the strangest feelings I have experienced but was also monumentally a learning experience for me as well, and for that I’m truly grateful.
In addition to simply living to see my 40th birthday, I also am grateful for the following blessings:
- A solid job
- Great insurance
- Food on my table
- A roof over my head
- Kitties who love me unconditionally and keep my endlessly entertained. (Yes, I’m listing my cats!!) :)
- I also have great friends and family. They love me unconditionally and check up on me regularly, make sure I’m not getting into any trouble.
Although many of the things I listed seem simple, it truly is all about the things in life we take for granted. Missing any of the above items, and life can be pretty tough, or downright miserable. My health isn’t perfect, but I’ve also found a new doctor and we are working on things. But in the meantime, I plan on living life to the fullest, perhaps with a nap or two in between. So finally getting myself to a positive frame of mind, Saturday night I got dressed up and went out with my guy and celebrated life! I also made the decision to drink for the first time in two years…and am glad I did. In doing so I was singled out of a group of people and carded! Ha ha ha….should have seen the look on that bouncer’s face when he looked at my driver’s license. Classic! I had declared earlier in the night, “40 is the new 30″, but perhaps it’s the new 20? What do you think?
Either way it made my night! Like I said…it’s the little things! :)
Onward and Upward!